When I say I'm a Christian

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I was lost!"
That is why I chose this Way."

When I say “I’m a Christian”,

I don’t speak of it with pride.

I’m confessing that I stumble,

And need Christ to be my guide.

When I say “I’m a Christian”,

I’m not trying to be strong.

I’m professing that I’m weak,

And need His strength to carry on.

When I say “I’m a Christian”,

I’m not bragging of success.

I’m admitting I have failed,

And need God to clean my mess.

When I say “I’m a Christian”,

I’m not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visible,

But God believes I’m worth it.

When I say “I’m a Christian”,

I still feel the sting of pain.

I have my share of heartaches,

So I call upon His name.

When I say "I am a Christian",
I do not wish to judge.
For I have no authority,
I only know I'm loved.

Carol S. Wimmer

Where the Echoes Stop

I want to stand where the echoes stop.

Far past where sound has abandoned thought.

Where silence reigns over redundancy.

Where once well said is more than enough.

I want to stand where the echoes stop.

Where words must be born to be heard.

Where speech is a gift and not a curse.

Where there is more of the unique and less of the mundane.

I want to stand where the echoes stop.

Where meaning is rescued from noise…

Where conviction replaces thoughtless repetition…

Where what everyone is saying surrenders to what needs to be said.

I want to stand where the echoes stop.

Where the shouting of the masses falls silent to the whisper of the one…

Where the voice of the majority submits to the voice of reason…

Where “they” do not exist; but “we” do.

I want to stand where the echoes stop.

Where substance overthrows the superficial…

Where courage conquers compliance and conformity…

Where words do not travel farther than the person who speaks them.

I want to stand where the echoes stop.

Where I only say what I believe.

Where I only repeat what changes me.

Where empty words finally rest in peace.

I want to stand where the echoes stop.

Erwin Raphael McManus

“Be still and know that I am God…” -Psalm 46:10a

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away

Be careful little eyes what you see

It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Casting Crowns

There is a time when life sucks!

There is a time in life when you’re just exhausted.

There is a time you want to lock yourself out of the world.

There is a time you are afraid.

There is a time you fail. And again. And again.

There is a time you want to give up.

There is a time you want to throw in the towel.

There is a time you cannot take it anymore.

There is a time when the world crumbles all around you.

There is a time you want to be quiet.

There is a time you want silence.

There is a time you can hear yourself breath.

There is a time when time stops.

There is a time when you feel numb.

There is a time when anger rules you.

There is a time when you hurt the ones you love.

There is a time you feel lost.

There is a time when meaning fades.

There is a time when life ceases to make sense.

There is a time when you want to scream.

There is a time when people are a nuisance.

There is a time when frustrations overwhelm you.

There is a time when you wonder if tomorrow will come.

There is a time you want to be enveloped in darkness.

There is a time you feel like going backwards.

There is a time when you feel stagnant

There is a time you wish you were a child.

There is a time when you get desperate.

There is a time when words cease.

Tears drop.

There is a time when you need God more than ever.

There is a time He seems farther than ever.

There is a time it feels like forever.

There is a time you say whatever!

There is a time you trust, however.

There is a time you hold on.

There is a time you pray long.

There is a time you pray none.

There is a time you hear nothing.

There is a time that God is with you.

There is a time He will come through.

All the time!

Alter and the Door

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart

Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...

Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door

Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right

I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me

Casting Crowns

Somewhere in the middle

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

Casting Crowns

Quite often, I find myself trusting

Why is “Trust” such an important thing in life? A lot comes to mind when we think about it. Maybe it reminds you of someone or something, either in a good or bad way. You have to agree that it’s important. We don’t actually learn it. We are born with it. We cannot exhaust all the dynamics of trust, but I just have a few thoughts put on paper. Let’s reason together. Who taught you to trust? You've trusted and still trust mom or dad since infancy. Kids trust mommy. They trust daddy too, well, most of the times. Mommies are more trusted, and really we can’t blame the kids. It’s a fact that they tend to warm up to the feminine side more easily. But that’s a story for another day. They trust that mommy loves them enough to do anything to make sure that their world is a happy place. They view life as one big roller-coaster ride. No worries. They trust. They trust that after a hard days work (Read PLAY, but they’ll make you believe they worked), mommy will make sure that they get dinner. I call it work since from my personal experience, a conversation in the evening with my daughter goes something like this

Daddy: How are you?

Pati: fine

Daddy: “how was your day?”

Pati: fine

Daddy: What did you do?

Pati: I read, I watched my brother, and I molded.

This is the most recent one. She will hardly tell me that she played, though I know it makes up 95% of her activities.

Two nights ago I was “trusted” with the noble responsibility of buying her chocolate. Twice she asked me for it. I’m yet to buy but I have to, if I want to still be trusted. I’m not implying that we become genies to our kids by granting their every wish, but I love it when she asks me for something because that spells one word for me: TRUST.

So, we grow and we advance in age, doubt creeps in. Why is that the case? Well, of course the world turns out not to be that safe haven that our homes have been. I trust that most homes are safe havens, again, thanks to mommies. The reality of “the fall” dawns on us, and we begin to realize how rotten a world we live in. But still, we have to trust.

Trust is a significantly essential task that we engage in everyday. You trust that when you sleep at night, you’ll wake up the following morning. When you wake up you trust that you’ll get ready on time and be on schedule.When you get into the bus/matatu, you trust that the driver knows how to drive, and that his license is valid, and that the vehicle is capable of taking you from your home to the workplace without falling apart into pieces on the way. You never ask the driver how much fuel he has. God forbid, if he had a quarrel with the wife, has had it with life and so has decided to veer off the road when he approaches that bridge over Athi River. You simply trust him. You trust that you’ll get to work on time and find that your boss hasn’t woken up in a bad mood and decided to reduce the work force by half. You trust that at the end of the month when you cash the cheque that it won’t bounce.

Our trust either is developed from our own experiences or from the experiences of others.

When you drank your first coke soda, it wasn’t from your own experience, rather someone else’s. That goes for so many of the things that we trust. We sometimes know for a fact that our object of trust is trustworthy, or simply take the risk.

The hardest part of trust comes when we involve relationships. The simple reason being the fact that when we are relating, we’re revealing. We are revealing ourselves to another. What was safe with us is not anymore; we share. Our weaknesses are exposed. Our secrets sometimes are revealed. Yet, we have to trust the other person. It’s undeniably difficult to explain the need to trust others, but I guess it’s said that no man is an island. So really, does that leave me any choice? Given a choice won’t it be easier to just be on our own? God thought so too, until He saw Adam’s loneliness.

Life, really, is a journey full of hope and so we trust. We trust that tomorrow will come. We trust that things will get better. We trust that after the darkest night, dawn will break forth. We live a life of trust whether subconsciously or completely aware of that fact. We cannot do without trusting. So then here is what I have learnt; when I trust others, I expect them to never betray that trust. It’s the same case for me. I have a responsibility to never betray the trust that others have in me. When trust is broken, it can become irreparable. Why take the risk?

Finally brethren,

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths {Proverbs 3:5,6}